A (Literal) Hot Girl's Guide To Dealing With Sweat
I can't live like this, you guys.
It’s 96 degrees outside, and I am really fucking sweaty.
To be clear, we’re not talking normal person sweaty here. We’re talking about someone who is so sweaty, that when the Botox she got in her armpits didn’t work, she tried a $3,000 “Miradry” treatment that more or less involved microwaving the sweat glands out of her armpits (you can read more about that here).
Somehow, these early September days are proving to be hotter and more miserable than the entire summer that preceded them, to the point where I don’t think I’ve had a single other thought this week beyond, “HOLY SHIT, IT’S SO FUCKING HOT OUTSIDE.” (The voice inside my head sounds like an ice road trucker, thanks for asking).
Unlike all those those cute fitness influencers all over my FYP, I don’t glisten, I sweat. And though staying inside and sitting so close to my air conditioner that I’m practically making out with it is my first choice of how to deal, that’s not always an option—it honestly feels like some sort of a sick joke that this heat is coming in the middle of NYFW, at a time when I feel like my career depends on saying “yes” to every event in my inbox. White girl problems but make ‘em sweaty, I guess.!
Thankfully, my years of dripping on Subway platforms (remember when magazines had car service budgets? lol.) have taught me more than a few tricks for not looking (or smelling) like a hot melted mess when I show up to fancy things. To all my hot girls out there: I’ve gotchyu.
Degree Unlimited Antiperspirant Deodorant Dry Spray (2-Pack), $20
Remember how I had my armpits microwaved? Well, that was great…. Until it wasn’t. Though my pit sweat is still slightly less intense than it was in the days when I would have rather jumped in traffic than wear a white t-shirt in public, it’s still very much an issue. Like, I laugh in the face of natural deodorant. So when Degree unveiled its new “SmartAdapt” technology that responds to sweat, heat, and movement—meaning that it works harder when you need it to—I rushed to apply it to my pits. I’m a spray D.O. girlie (stick and roll-on formulations make my armpits feel claustrophobic because I’m convinced they’re clogging my pores), and love that this one goes on invisible and lasts soooo long. As I’m writing this, I just got back from an hour-long run and—despite being sweaty as hell—smell just as good as I did before I left (at least, under my arms). Speaking of scent, I’ve tried all four of ‘em, and can confirm that each and every one smells like a fancy fragrance (I’m currently using Marine, but Bold is my favorite of the bunch).
First Aid Beauty Facial Radiance Pads (28-Pack), $18
In case you thought I’m one of those rare angels who gets super sweaty without smelling, nope! Even though my Degree D.O. works overtime to keep me fresh, there are still days when I come home smelling like hot garbage—and I know this because I walked by an actual pile of garbage 20 minutes ago (I heart NY!). That’s where my secret weapons come in.
My anti-stink routine begins with swiping my pits with glycolic acid pads, a tip I learned from a former boss who was doing it long before all the kids on TikTok were. A little known fact is that sweat, on its own, is odorless—it only starts to smell when it mixes with the bacteria on your skin. SO, using an exfoliating acid in the area (I like glycolic, but lactic is slightly gentler and can also do the trick) allows you to swipe away all that bacteria—plus any other dirt, grime, or dead cells that are hanging out on the surface of your skin—so that no matter how sweaty you get, there’s no B.O. Pretty cool, right? I like these pads from First Aid Beauty, mostly because they’re not that expensive and are strong enough to get the job done, but honestly whatever you’ve already got in your arsenal will do (pro tip: you can use your usual glycolic toner/serum on a cotton pad instead of investing in an entirely new product).
Kaia Naturals The Sweat Powder Sakura Blossom, $35
The second step of this whole process comes by way of Kaia Naturals’ Sweat Powder, which was developed by someone whose Internet persona is “Madame Sweat,” so you know it’s gotta be good. After I ExFoLiAtE my pits post-shower, I dust on some of this stuff, which offers a triple-threat of magical powers. It’s got finely-ground minerals to soak up sweat and minimize chafing, plus apple cider vinegar to help with the stink situation.
Clean & Clear Oil Absorbing Sheets (2-Pack), $13
Shoutout to the girl who introduced me to the concept of blotting pads in the Rhino Bar bathroom my freshman year of college—I am grateful for your wisdom every time my face starts to sweat (which, right now, is every minute of every day). Quite honestly, I’m not totally convinced that there is any sort of difference in effectiveness between the $28 blotting pads you’d get at Sephora and the $8 ones you can order on Amazon, but I’ve been using these Clean+Clear ones since that fateful day in 2009 and they have yet to steer me wrong. (Plus, there the best-selling option on Amazon, so if you don’t want to believe me you can believe the literal thousands of five-star reviewers instead). Keep them in your purse to hand out to strangers and you, too, will have someone like me continuing to think of you 15 years later.
Dyson Airstrait, $499
It feels a little weird to include a blow dryer on this list, but I just feel like everyone needs to know about this so hear me out. I typically don’t bother doing anything at all to my hair in this type of weather—I let it airdry into a frizzy, tangled mess and call it “beach waves.” BUT, for the rare occasion that I need to look put together and ensure that my hair doesn’t frizz to high heaven (ie the wedding I’m going to tomorrow), this thing has been a gamechanger. It’s different than your typical straightening iron—which is what I used to use—in the way that it works. I’ll spare you the complicated science (though if you’re actually interested you can learn about it here), but basically the bonds within your hair break when its wet, and the Airstrait puts them back together so that your hair is straightened on a structural level. This means that it stays straight, no matter how much humidity is in the air. Peep the visual proof:
Plus, it gets my hair from wet to sleek in 7 minutes flat. I know it’s $500, but I swear I wouldn’t tell you to buy it unless it was absolutttteeeeely worth it (and FWIW, I make $0 if you do).
Arm & Hammer Invisible Spray Foot Powder (2-Pack), $25
Just when you thought that today’s newsletter couldn’t get any less sexy (… you guys saw the photos of my literal sweat stains, right), allow me to wax poetic about foot deodorant. Though I am in full denial that sandal season is over, it’s just about time to take those closed-toe shoes out of storage (side note: I saw a girl wearing thigh-high leather cowboy boots in this heat yesterday and seriously considered calling the police). ANYWAY, just like the rest of me, my feet get sweaty and smelly as hell. So much so, in fact, that I refused to take my shoes off in front of my boyfriend until we were over a year into our relationship*…. mostly because that’s when I discovered this stuff . It does exactly what you’d expect it to, which is soak up sweat and odor from your feet so that your shoes don’t reek to high heaven. Works like a charm, 10/10 recommend.
* To be clear, he did see me barefoot, but I’d take my shoes off and immediately get into the shower, something I’m realizing just now as I’m typing it is extremely weird.
Maybelline Super Stay 24 Hour Skin Tint, $14
It feels like a sick joke to expect any foundation to stand up to the type of sweat that comes with this weather, but this one actually does. And it’s only $14!!! I’ve been wearing it all week, and can confirm that it does not budge—like almost in a way that makes me suspicious. Here’s what it looked like on Wednesday, after 12 hours of running around:
It doesn’t need primer or setting powder to stay in place (we love a one-step routine!!), and gives great coverage and a nice radiant finish.
Megababe Thigh Rescue Anti-Chafe Stick, $14
No hot (read: sweaty) girl beauty roundup would be complete without a chafe stick, and this one is the best of the best—I know this, because I have been testing a whole lot of them during my marathon training (… just when we thought it was possible for me to get through a whole newsletter without mentioning the fact that I’m training for the marathon!!). I’ve used it on my thighs and under my sports bra, and it makes the skin slick but not greasy and for sure staves off chafing. Plus, it is mindlessly easy to apply and great to throw in your purse when you need a re-up in the bar bathroom. I will never run—or leave the house in a mini skirt—without it ever again.