Holy Sh*t, I Fixed My Burnout.
And all it took was a six week vacation.
In the past six weeks, I’ve been on 14 flights.
I’ve sipped tequila in Mexico, tasted honey straight from the hive in New Zealand, skied a moguled Black Diamond in Utah, and dove curls-first into the Pacific in Maui (I also went to Florida, but the closest things I did to “cool, cultural activities” were third-wheeling my mom and her boyfriend at the yacht club and driving by a Hooters).
I’d been promising myself some version of this little stint since I became my own boss back in September. When I left my job, I was burnt out to the point of exhaustion, and unable to find any joy in doing something that had always been my passion (because, let’s be honest, it’s not like I got into writing for the money). Everything felt like a chore—including writing this newsletter—and I knew that the only way for me to snap myself out of it would be to take a total step back.
To be clear: The idea of simply… not working felt batshit insane to me. I started my first job out of college the day after graduation, and haven’t taken more than a few days off at a time in the decade since (like, not even when my dad died, which is sooo psycho). But after six months of slogging through freelance work that made my brain feel like it was melting, I put on an out-of-office and for the first time ever, took a fucking break.*
For the first two weeks—which conveniently fell over the holidays—I did nothing. I spent more time horizontal than I did vertical, watched so much reality TV that I started talking like a Bravo personality, and snuggled my dog while my doormen judged me for the copious amounts of takeout that were coming through my door. At first, it was really, really weird to shut completely off—it was more anxiety-provoking than relaxing. But as I settled into being a complete piece of shit, I started to understand why everyone’s always talking about how important it is for artists (something I still feel weird calling myself) to rest.
According to neuroscientific research (… does this make me sound smart or what?!), moments of creativity take place when the mind is at rest—and it’s a whole lot harder to find motivation and inspiration when your brain is overworked. This goes double for *~*creatives*~*, who need to be clear-headed to leave space for new ideas.
When we are idle, in leisure, our brains are most active. The Default Mode Network lights up, which, like airport hubs, connects parts of our brain that don't typically communicate. So a stray thought, a random memory, an image can combine in novel ways to produce novel ideas. - Brigid Schulte, author of Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time
But while powering through 47 Real Housewives episodes and putting my phone on Do Not Disturb helped me kick my brain into “chill the fuck out” mode, that was only one part of the reset process. The other came to me in the form of advice from Harvard professor Jeff Karp, PhD, who told me in a recent interview that while resting your brain is important, it may not be enough to spark inspiration—you need to find awe to be able to do that.
The concept of “awe”—and its importance to our overall well-being—has been percolating on the Internet over the last few years. It’s tough to put into words, but it essentially means seeking out things and experiences that blow your mind. This can be as simple as looking at a photo of the Grand Canyon on your laptop, or as life-altering as watching a baby being born. The idea is that it brings your brain out of its mundane day-to-day and into something new and exciting, and in the process, makes you realize just how much bigger the world is than our own self-perception. Studies have shown that awe can help you feel happier, smarter, more connected to others, and more connected to yourself… which is why following up my two weeks of doing nothing with four weeks of jetting around the world doing everything was critical for setting my brain on fire.
Waking up in so many different places filled me with awe on a daily basis. I bonded with other incredible writers (shoutout to the #manukahoneys and Maui babes—if you’re reading this, I miss you); ate meals that I’ll be thinking about for the rest of my life; and experienced actual nature that felt lightyears away from the six city blocks I see on a daily basis. On my last morning in Hawaii, I went for a run along the beach while watching freaking whales swim by, and burst into tears. All I could think was, “I’m so happy, and so grateful.”
And now, here I am: Inspired, motivated, and actually fucking writing for the first time in who-even-knows-how-long.
Obviously, taking this time to figure my shit out was a ridiculous privilege, and isn’t exactly realistic for most people to pull off (I mean, there’s no chance in hell I’ll ever be able to drop everything and do this again). But what it helped me realize is that finding this type of peace and creativity isn’t necessarily about escaping your life—it’s about creating a life you don’t want to escape from (… is that some Gabby Bernstein shit or what?).
During a “normal” week—meaning one that I’m not helicoptering through New Zealand or eating an entire ocean’s worth of raw tuna in Hawaii—I spend nearly all of my time in a 500-square-foot-studio staring at the same four walls and talking to the same two people (that is, if we’re counting my dog as a person). And don’t get me wrong: I love my apartment and my little family more than anything in this world… but drinking wine on my couch and playing fetch with a toy poodle for 17 straight hours isn’t exactly the best way to make my brain start buzzing. So now that I’m back to regularly scheduled programming, I’ve been trying to find ways to hold onto this new, creative version of myself that don’t require hopping on a plane to another country. Step one, of course, is remembering to rest like a normal person so that I don’t burn out all over again (easier said than done, but I’m trying!). And step two is finding ways to experience awe in my everyday life.
For me, that means seeking out things that push me out of my comfort zone—and away from my laptop. Taking myself on solo “artists dates” to museums (and all those other culture-y types of places I’ve always said I don’t have time for), exploring neighborhoods I’ve never been to, getting out of the city (and maybe…going on a hike?!), trying new restaurants, and making it a point to meet (and have meaningful conversations with) new people are all at the top of the list. The great thing about awe is that there isn’t really a standard definition—it’s all about how it makes you feel. And, kind of like porn, you’ll know it when you see it.
In other (extremely cheesy) words: The world is my muse, but I don’t have to leave New York to see it. I just have to leave my studio apartment.
* For the most part—I still did a few small projects that helped me make enough money to not starve, because such is freelance life when you’re shitty at saving money and really good at spending it.
For Your Amusement: 5 Things That Happened While I Was Away
1. We picked a wedding venue!
The first trip I took on this little stint—which also happened to be the first ever vacation my fiancé and I have ever been on that didn’t involve our families or someone else’s wedding—was to scope out our wedding venue in Mexico. The last night, I blacked out at a tequila tasting and told a complete stranger she should break up with her boyfriend. I’m also pretty sure I invited them both to the wedding.
2. I got drunk and rode in a helicopter
Apparently, the running theme of this journey was “getting drunk and doing stupid things.” When I was in New Zealand, the only way to reach one of the places we were going was via helicopter, something that scares the living shit out of me. Our takeoff was delayed due to wind and visibility issues (two things you absolutely don’t want to hear when you’re already terrified), but thankfully there was a tequila bar next door to the helipad, which you better believe I made full use of. I think that’s what they call “fate.”
3. I only cried once while skiing
You know that TikTok trend about marrying into a skiing family? Well, that’s me. I like to think of myself as a solid blue skier, except for when I get scared—then I burst into tears and can’t figure out how to get down the mountain. Over 5 days in Utah, I pushed myself to keep up with my black-diamond-loving, soon-to-be family, and—not to brag—but I absolutely crushed it. That is, until the very last run of the trip, when I found myself sobbing at the top of a bunny hill and couldn’t get myself home. Believe it or not, that’s still considered a win in the Zoë Weiner book of winter sports.
Tiktok failed to load.Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser
4. I decided I’m ready for retirement
I spent a week down in Florida with my mom, who is currently living her best life. We started every day with a long walk with our twin toy poodles, went to the gym for 90 full minutes, bird-watched and sunbathed, ate dinner at 5, and were asleep by 9. On Friday night, we went to casual cocktails at the country club (… but were still in bed by 9), but only because it was one of the rare weeks where they weren’t hosting some raucous theme party for the 70+ set. I’m technically 40ish years from being in this demo, but I honestly can’t wait.
Tiktok failed to load.Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser
5. I went to the literal White Lotus
In what can only be described as “the best work trip in the history of work trips,” I finished off my travels with a few days in Maui alongside four other editors. We stayed at the Fairmont Kea Lani (which is STUNNING) and celebrated the launch of their new Mocktails Menu (… I drank no less than 7 in a row. They were that good.). We also popped over to the Four Seasons Maui, where White Lotus season 1 was filmed, and I basked in the glory of breathing the same air as Jennifer Coolidge.
Your smile says it all!! Big fan of #2