The Waterproof Mascara That Will Get You Through All 30 Songs on The Tortured Poet's Department
Including "LOML"
Happy Taylor Swift Day to all those who celebrate, especially all the girlies bopping around NYC in their Era’s Tour Merch listening to The Tortured Poets Department (#itme!). This post is for you and literally no one else.
My love affair with Taylor started when I was 15, an age when if someone tells you they love you, you’re going to believe them. I have a vivid memory of driving away from my high school boyfriend’s house late at night, listening to White Horse, and having to pull over on the side of the road because I was crying so hard.
So many of her songs have a similarly special place in my heart. I danced to 22 at my college graduation. My best friend and I blasted Blank Space while we got ready to go out in our first NYC apartment. I exclusively listened to Reputation on a post-breakup motorcycle trip through Chile. I played August and The 1 on repeat when I had my heart broken during quarantine. I woke my fiancé up at 3 a.m. to listen to “Sweet Nothings” the night Midnights came out.
Over the years, I’ve had many sob sessions soundtracked by Taylor Swift—and today’s waterworks started before I’d even pressed play on TTPD’s first song, after I read what she’d written on Instagram to accompany to album release:
“This writer is of the firm belief that our tears become holy in the form of ink on a page. Once we have spoken our saddest story, we can be free of it.”
As someone who’s written her fair share of sad stories—about breakups, grief, mental health, and just how fucking hard life can be sometimes—this sentiment hit me hard. Not only does putting your demons out into the world set you free, but it also makes anyone else who can relate feel a whole lot more alone—and this is the essence of Taylor’s greatness. Lyrics like “I’m pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free,” “I once knew cosmic love, now I’m down bad crying at the gym,” and “You’re the loss of my life” are so gutting because they’re so real—if you’ve never burst into tears over a boy while on a treadmill, we’re built differently.
So, yeah, despite the fact that I’m in a happy relationship and on my way to getting married (“At dinner, you take my ring off my middle finger/And put it on the one people put wedding rings on/And that's the closest I've come to my heart exploding” also FUCKED ME UP), I’ve been crying on and off all day. Just like my queen, though, I may cry a lot, but I’m so productive it’s an art—and there’s one product that keeps me from looking like the raccoon-eyed, Blank Space-era Taylor we all know and love.
Too Faced’s Better Than Sex Waterproof Mascara is my go-to for therapy, weddings and funerals, and Taylor Swift album release days—AKA all the situations when I’m pretty much guaranteed to cry. Not only does it make my lashes look XL in all the right ways (thickness, length, and volume), but it also does not budge… even after dozens of gut-wrenching tracks. I know I’m batshit crazy for having such an emotional reaction to a pop album, but at least this stuff keeps me looking slightly more sane while I bop around the West Village listening to it on repeat.
Too Faced Better Than Sex Volumizing & Lengthening Waterproof Mascara, $29
Trust me when I tell you that if this mascara can hold up for me on Taylor Swift Day, it’ll work on anyone’s teariest moments. So slick on this mascara, turn up “SO LONG LONDON,” and treat yourself to a good cry. Better safe than starry-eyed!
And one more thing: If you, like me, are really feeling the line, “My friends all smell like weed and little babies,” know that you’re not alone. Taylor’s right here with us.