Today Is the First Day of the Rest of My Life

And my new boss is a real hard-o.

The Tuesday after Labor Day weekend is always filled with a strange combination of end-of-summer sadness and fresh-start energy. Even as an adult, it still holds the same weight as the first day of school—after three months of working poolside and logging off at 1 p.m. on Friday to sprint to a train toward the beach (or at least move as quickly as travel with a massive suitcase and a tiny dog allows), it feels like this is the day that real adulting starts again. Even if there are no new school supplies to mark the occasion with (… does anyone else really miss color-coordinating their notebooks?), there’s a sense of new beginnings and the sort of hope that comes along with them.

And this year, today holds a whole lot more weight for me, because it’s the first day of the rest of my life.

When I quit my job last month to go freelance, I started using this refrain in a semi-joking way to reframe the intense anxiety that I was feeling about taking the leap into being my own boss. Catapulting myself away from the comfort of my first grown-up career after five years has been, in short, terrifying. The only way I’ve managed to not completely lose my shit over it is by constantly reminding myself that this is the beginning of something exciting… and also by reading a ton of cheesy Instagram quotes out loud to my dog. A few of my favorites:

A year from now you’ll wish you started today.

Fear regret more than failure.

It’s never a gamble to bet on yourself.

What’s the best that could happen?

… I won’t tell you which one of those is my current computer background, but you get the gist.

Cheers to betting on yourself, bitch.

My decision to go off on my own has been a long time coming and was catalyzed by a whole laundry list of different things (shoutout to my mental health!), but ultimately, it comes down to this: I miss writing.

I’ve spent as long as I can remember working toward being a big-time magazine editor, but when I got there, I realized it just… wasn’t what I wanted anymore. As much as I loved helping people tell their stories—and as amazing as it was to be responsible for building out a brand’s beauty identity—over time, I lost my own voice within the work I was doing. And as much as I wanted to be an editor, I want to be a writer even more.

So, here we are, on the first day of the rest of my life. This morning, I unboxed a brand new laptop (which is as close as I’m going to get to replicating the feeling of color-coordinating new notebooks), then stared at the screen for a solid hour as I let it sink in that I had no idea where to start. Cue the debilitating anxiety!!! But then, I realized that where I start—and how I spend my time—is entirely up to me. And instead of leaning into how overwhelmingly scary that is, I’ve decided that it’s empowering. So I sent out like 47 pitch e-mails begging people to let me write for them, made an embarrassingly earnest TikTok, spent $120 at Trader Joe’s, and am now doing this.

With that: Welcome to the 2.0 version of the It’s All Under Control! newsletter. Of all the projects I plan to take on as a freelancer, this one is the most personal and important to me. When I started this Substack earlier this year, I did so with the intention of sharing my personal thoughts and musings with the world… then promptly realized that I had absolutely no time or energy to do that, which is why you have heard from me approximately two times since then. But now, I do! (especially because I’m waiting for responses to all those pitch emails before I have any actual real work on the schedule).

So what does that mean? To be perfectly honest, I’m not really sure. Having the freedom to write about whatever I want means that I now… have the freedom to write about whatever I want, so I don’t want to put myself into a box and tell you that this is going to be one thing when it’s realistically going to be all the things.

What I will say, though, is that you can now expect to hear from me twice a week—on Mondays and Fridays (minus today, because it’s an extra-special Tuesday)—on a range of topics including mental health, beauty, dating, work, home decor… basically whatever is on my mind that I think someone, somewhere, can take something away from.

To put it simply, my goal with this newsletter is to use my experiences to make whoever is reading this feel less alone in whatever they’re dealing with—whether that means talking about how my shower routine has become a way to reconnect with my body, how my boyfriend and I live in a 500-square-foot apartment without killing each other, how my dog saved me from a full-on mental health spiral, or how I’m dealing with summer sun damage because I’m terrified of looking “old” (all of which are on the docket in the coming weeks)—and hopefully make you laugh a little bit in the process. Think of it as the early aughts blog you used to love before it stopped publishing and moved to TikTok, complete with life updates and product recommendations sprinkled in because those things are often on my mind, too. Eventually, I’d like to find a way to monetize this little venture (If you’re a young writer reading this: don’t write for free!!!; if you’re anyone else reading this: note that some of the below links are affiliate, which means I get like 10 cents from Amazon if you buy anything), but I promise there will always be a way to enjoy certain parts of this for $0.

As I figured out pretty damn quickly this morning, there’s no blueprint for starting over and creating the life you want. But considering the life I want is doing a whole lot more of exactly this, I’d say I’ve found a pretty good jumping-off point.

Thank you so much for being here and welcoming me into your inbox—I am so, so excited for what’s to come.

What I’m buying

OK I know I said that adults don’t technically get to buy back-to-school supplies, but I am still using the end of summer as an excuse to stock up on things that make me genuinely excited about being my own boss (and that help me avoid giving into my ADHD impulse to not do any work at all).

1. This desktop productivity planner has been a critical part of my organization process for the past year, and I just ordered a new one. It lets you organize daily tasks by order of importance and allows you to plot things out well in advance, which is incredibly helpful for my scattered brain.

   

2. Considering my desk doubles as my vanity and is the first thing people see when they walk into my apartment (… did I mention I live in a 500-square-foot studio?) this desk organizer fits my very high standards of both being functional and

   looking cute. There are two drawers—I use one for work supplies and one for beauty products—which are divided into small sections so that things don’t get all jumbled, six separate side pockets that can hold any combination of pens, brushes, eyeliners, and lipglosses, and a nice big platform to park your laptop (or makeup mirror) on top of.

   

3. My boyfriend and I struggle to keep track of each other during the week (and I struggle to keep track of where I’m supposed to be on a given day), so I’m excited to add this acrylic calendar to our organization arsenal. I scoured the Internet to find the best option that fits our needs, and landed on this one because it comes with a monthly calendar as well as a weekly planner and a to-do list. Plus, it isn’t ugly.

4. My mom bought me this bag when I started my job five years ago, and though it’s held up flawlessly, I’ve decided to treat myself to a new color in honor of this big career transition. I’m thinking cream leather with a big, bright “Z” on it.

   

5. The Stanley Cup is hardly a revolutionary recommendation, but considering I lost mine over LDW (which is probably for the best considering it started to smell really bad) and have barely had two sips of water since, it feels important for me to share that I absolutely just spent $45 on a replacement.

What I’m Doing

Training for a marathon, which will be heavily featured in at least one upcoming newsletter. I don’t know what I was expecting when I started the process, but it has been far more grueling than I could ever have imagined (… I’ve thrown up more than once after a run, if that gives you any context as to how it’s going). I also recently ran into an ex-boyfriend who told me he “loved every single minute of training,” which has seriously been messing with my head. But I’m seven weeks into it—and have nine weeks to go—and just have to focus on putting one foot in front of the other (and I guess not throwing up). If I can do this, I’m pretty sure I can do anything. And if you want to donate to support my efforts and the amazing cancer research happening at Sloan Kettering, you can do so here.

What I’m Reading

I’m late to the game on this one, but I just finished Jessica Simpson’s Open Book on Audible (which, yes, I am choosing to count as reading.), and wow. After spending 17+ hours listening to the soft sounds of Ms. Simpson, not only have I developed a slight southern twang, but I also have an entirely new understanding of just how fucked up the early aughts truly were. I mean, in 2009 we were told (like, very openly) that this was the fattest/grossest/most disgusting a person could ever be. No wonder I have such a shitty relationship with my body. Also? John Mayer is a real d-bag.

What I’m Watching

Afterparty, which is hands down the best show on TV. I don’t want to tell you anything because I don’t want to ruin it, but it’s a murder mystery comedy with an all-star cast and is